When I met him.
“My mind is a prison and I’m never gonna get out.” That was what I told him when we first met.
You know what they say, the eyes are the windows to the soul. His eyes were just like mine. Cold, lonely, hopeless and lost. It was like looking at a reflection of myself in the mirror only that the gender and complexions were switched.
We talked about life. About uncertainties and fears. We talked about Nigeria, the absurdities, damaged people and the depressed. We talked about ourselves. Two people slowly straying away from sanity and life.
It was a long talk but it was fruitful. A day before, I could swear that I was tired of the idea of having to live in a place were dreams become nightmares. I wanted out. I only ever thought of a way out. Not a solution, a way out of life.
But when we met, there was a reason to stay. Not because he jokingly said “we should get married cause we the same.” But because there was a feeling of hope. Something to look forward to.
I said my mind was a prison. I was trapped by my own thoughts and by my ability to obsess, rethink and aggravate little issues. I feared being alone because…. Well because my mind was always waiting to torment but when I met him…
I was no longer alone. There’s this feeling that comes when you meet someone like you. You would want to know how much you have in common and how different you are. So we spoke everyday.
We kept talking and soon I started to feel my handcuffs loosen. The walls that kept me imprisoned vibrated daily, till they crumbled to nothing but dust. Dust, memories. Each day,there was something new to talk about.
We talked about our depression till we helped ourselves cross out of darkness to light. We started to see a future. I guess that’s one of the best parts of love. It’s a powerful force. A force enough to break out a prisoner.
The suicide talks vanished slowly. We spoke more about life, the beautiful sides. That little positivity turned our lives around. It made us better. We started to do more for us. For the kids we hoped to have. For the future we wanted.
My mind was a prison but love turned it into a home.