What do you fear?
How often do you ask yourself the question, what do I fear? It’s a weird question though. But I think in some way it exposes our true nature as humans, mammals or say animals.
I read this book yesterday and the writer kept pointing at the fact that we all fear something everyday of our lives. I mean I would rather not agree to living in fear everyday it is true. The writer is right.
While reading the book yesterday, the writer gave me an assignment to watch the thoughts generated in my mind after stating clearly that my mind is not me. Which I find absurd honestly.
I spent all day yesterday sneaking up on my mind as he said. And I found that he was right. Unlike what I initially thought that I was in control, there was something else in control.
So much that if I decided not to think, this thing, My mind, kept going. It kept suggesting. Suggesting this and that. And in all of that I realized that whatever was doing all of that was not me. And it was also scared. I mean really scared of everything.
My mind is like that home of worries. It kept murmuring about school and about my friends. About losing people. About not achieving my goals. Or going broke.
My mind wasn’t doing any of this directly. All of the worries were hidden in questions like…
What if they don’t like you?
What if It doesn’t happen like this?
Are you sure you are supposed to do it this way?
Are you sure you are supposed to spend like that?
What if you go broke?
Are you sure you understand what you are reading?
You are too distracted to read.
And the worst part about my mind is that it kept repeating the same thoughts. Over and over again.
More in thoughts and introspection
As I have realized, the thing with worries is that it is just fear disguised as something more subtle. So I followed my thought pattern and I realized my mind kept bringing worries after worries to the point where my head started to ache.
All of these reminded me of a time when I was depressed. All I remember about that time was that my mind kept imagining and worrying and obsessing over worries. Like my mind took over my body and my emotions.
Somehow, separating my mind from me made me realize it’s not just one voice speaking in my head. That there were two. There was me trying to make those thoughts go away. And there was my mind forcing me to think about it.
As humans, we fear a lot of things. We fear suffering, we fear pain, we fear abandonment or maybe rejection but all of that is still linked to the fear of pain and suffering. But our biggest fear of all and the fear that links us to all other animals, is the fear of oblivion. The fear of death. The idea of not existing.
Check out my short stories
So when people say they fear God, it just might be that they are afraid of the powers he has and how he can just make them not exist anymore. Or make them suffer. If he wasn’t capable of that, they wouldn’t fear him. But this is just a diversion.
By studying my mind and how it works, I realized that my mind was constantly trying to solve problems even if it meant inventing problems and fearing that those problems would end me.
As hard as it is to believe, every fear is linked to the fear of dying or simply not existing to anyone. Or maybe the fear of not being connected to yourself and the world. The fear of being alone. Because when we die, we seize to exist. We are alone with ourselves.
Which is the reason why most of us live. We live to avoid death and suffering for as long as we can. Even though we can’t avoid either. So we worry about suffering and about pain. We worry about them catching up to us. We worry about them not letting us go. While worrying and we keep hurting ourselves and making the suffering and pain stay even longer.
The truth is no matter how we fear pain, it would always happen. But accepting pain makes it much more bearable. It makes it harder to suffer. And accepting that we would die sooner or later gives you more control over your mind.
Understand that you have control over your mind. You have the ability to silence your worries and fears. Because there are things we can’t change no matter how we try. And there are things that can only happen in our mind.
The first step to finding happiness is to understand that you and your mind are different. That the things your mind fears would most likely only happen in your mind.
Becoming aware of your thoughts helps you understand how much danger your mind poses to your happiness.