I killed her and I don’t feel guilty

Hey

I know everyone is looking for me and you probably hate me too. I just want you to know that I don’t feel any remorse. I don’t feel guilty for killing her. As a matter of fact, I wish I killed her in a better say. Slower. I wish I could make her feel every pain she made me feel.

Go ahead, call me murderer but she murdered me first. She took the part that made me human. I gave her every last of my being and what did I get in return, betrayal.

You know, I was like God to her. Maybe even nicer. Do you know who was there when her parents kicked her out with a baby in her womb? That’s right me. I was there with her. I took care of her even though the baby wasn’t mine. I made her comfortable. Gave her a roof over her head.

When she lost the baby after her birth. Or when she killed the baby. It’s kind of our little secret. Yeah, there’s no point hiding it anymore. You think Betty is a saint? Well she isn’t. I was there when she strangled the baby. I was there when the baby cried in agony.

But I loved her. I said nothing. I tried to help her but you can’t help a lunatic without becoming a lunatic. I enrolled her in school. Fed her, clothed her and showed her the kind of love that was supposed to heal her.

Nene, I was there for your friend. All of those moments when she broke down from guilt of killing her baby, I was there to hug her. To comfort her. To remind her it wasn’t her fault. I was there for her…. I didn’t want anything in return except her love.

I know what you are thinking. “What does this murderer have to say?” “You are evil or whatever” But I’m not evil. The real evil is your friend.

Everyone told me about her but I couldn’t see it. Everyone told me she was crazy. They told me she was hateful, possessed but I couldn’t see it.

It was not until that night when she had a fight with my mum. I’m sure she didn’t tell you. Because you are like me. Naive. Don’t worry I saved you from her. I saved everyone from her. Back to my mum, that fight she had with her. That bloody fight that broke me.

The one that forced me to drop my mother’s dead body at the side of the road. Yes, Betty stabbed my mother. Not once, not twice. She stabbed my mother. Because my mother wanted her gone from my life. And I just watched. I did nothing. Because I loved her.

I loved my mum too. I would never forgive myself for letting her blead out. For dumping her body by the road. I would never forgive myself.

I’m writing this letter to let you know that Betty was not who you think she was. She was the devil’s incarnate. She made sure she was all I had. She threatened my friends and made everyone stay away from me. No, I did that myself. I thought I was being loyal. I was kind of assuring her that I loved her.

You know after everything I did for her, you would expect her to stick with me forever. After shielding her from three other murders, you would think she would adore me. Remember her parents died, she killed them. She killed them. That night she came home with blood all over her. She said they deserved to die. She said they betrayed her.

They did sort of. And I just wanted her to be happy. I loved her even though she drove me crazy. Even with all of her craziness. With how she quickly went from happy to sad within seconds. I loved her.

At night, she would have nightmares and I would just hug her till she fell asleep. I thought I could help her. I thought I was helping her. Because when she was not crazy, she was nice. She smiled. That beautiful smile I fell in love with.
So I made her see a therapist. I wanted her to be better. After a year or two, I thought your friend was better. Therapy made her better. She smiled she was happy sort of.

I thought she would finally be able to love me back. To recognize my love for her. Until I heard the news that she was getting married to him. The therapist.
That night she broke the news to me, that dreary night. She said ” I’m sorry Kunle. I know you have helped me a lot but I am no longer the person I used to be when we met.” I didn’t get it at first. It was good news that she had finally changed.

“I’m getting married to Peter.” She said. Peter. The Same Peter who I daily told about how much I loved Betty and how I wanted her to be free from her rage.

“You remind me of my past. Of everything I have done. Everytime I see you, I see your mother’s face.” What does that even mean? How is any of it my fault? I loved her that much and in return she’s Leaving me because of her mistakes.

But I wasn’t going to let her leave. I wasn’t going to let her waste 6 years of my life. I sacrificed way too much. But I had to because she said she was pregnant. For him. I was ready to let her keep the pregnancy you know. The truth is I can’t have my own kids. I was ready to help her take care of his child. It hurt me but…

She married him anyways and you were there cheering her on. I was at the wedding too. You had never met me before then but I knew you. I wanted to get revenge by dating her friend. I wanted to show her how she hurt me.

I’m sorry I dragged you into this mess. Somewhere along the line I fell in love with you. I was going to propose too that night. That night she died. I didn’t mean to leave you hanging at the restaurant but Betty came over.

She said Peter was filing for a divorce. She said she wanted me back. A part of me sort of wanted her but I already knew what real love felt like. You showed me what I had with her was not love. It was madness.

You taught me how to love myself. You taught me a lot of things, forgiveness was one of it but when Betty came back….
Betty wanted me. It was either that or she was going to kill you and send me to prison. She had evidence against me. She framed me for my mother’s death somehow. I had to stop her.

You know, I didn’t kill Betty on purpose. I swear I didn’t but now I wish I did. She’s mad. I swear she’s mad. She tried to kill me. It was self defense. I was trying to protect myself when I pushed her back and she slipped and hit her head.

Nene… I’m sorry I dragged you into that mess. I’m sure you hate me by now. Everyone thinks I’m a serial killer. I have heard the news. They think I killed Peter and everyone else Betty killed.

I just want you to know I didn’t. I didn’t kill them. Betty died by accident but I don’t regret it. I only regret not hurting her as much as she hurt me.

I also regret that I never got the chance to propose to you or love you like you deserve. I’m truly sorry. I’m sorry for keeping so much from you.

I don’t know if you would ever forgive me. But I want you to know that I’m okay. I left Nigeria and I’m never coming back. I’m not on social media either so we may never see.

Nene, I really wish I met you first maybe I could have stopped all of this. There’s no point regretting anything anyways. I just want you to know I love you. I’m not a psychopath. I never meant to kill her that day but she deserved to die.
Sigh.

Uhm I love you. I know you hate me.
I miss you and I hope that you believe me. I have no evidence but I really hope you do.

I love you forever, kunle.

Read other short stories by Kita

Selfish- A suicide story

Survive

Howling winds

The sinner

Author’s Note

Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed this piece. It is purely fiction although it’s inspired from real events. I have been watching a lot of crime documentary which is where the inspiration for this story came from.

People suffer from different Mental illnesses and there is only so little you can do if you are not a professional.

Anyways, tell me what you think about this story in the comment section.

Should he feel guilty for killing her?

Would you believe him if you were Nene?

Did Betty really deserve to die?

 

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Hey hey it's Kita. Thanks for stopping by! I am a nineteen year old lifestyle blogger and I currently  Soil science in OAU. I love writing and sharing important and helpful information.

On my blog, you would find tips, stories, poems, interviews, rants, reviews and my journal.

Find out more about me here

15 thoughts on “I killed her and I don’t feel guilty”

  1. Owww,I really feel sad for this guy…he has really gone through so much and this had to happen when he finally found love.
    *He shouldn’t feel guilty because it wasn’t intentional and if I were Nene I would believe him…And…..YES! Betty deserved to die I would only think otherwise if I read a diary of Betty that explains some things I wouldn’t know of but yes,with this ,she deserved it

    1. Thank you for taking your time to reply. I guess we would never know what really happened (I’m acting like I’m not the writer.) Dead people don’t tell tales.

  2. Every piece you write leaves me wanting more…you’re going places mama
    Don’t think he should feel guilty, she deserved what she got and I wouldn’t have believed him if I was nene lol, sounds too ridiculous for my close friend to be a psychopath

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