Happy new year guys! I’m so excited to start this journey with you guys. 2020 was a weird year but there I’m sure we all learnt lessons. You should totally read my review of year 2020 if you haven’t done that already.
Since we have only just began 2021, I figured it would be nice for me to share some of the things no one needs this year. Some of them are so easy to forget and they can easily make anyone depressed or unhappy.
P.s if you haven’t already subscribed to my blog, please do so. One of my big goals this year is to get 100 subscribers this month. Your subscription means a lot to my goals.
I got the inspiration to write this post while journalling ( Journaling is one of the habits I’m trying to form this year.) I was writing a list of things I really don’t want this year. Most especially people or things that can affect my mental health.
I’m going big on paying attention to my mental health this year. We all should.
There are a large number of things that we need besides money. We need peace most especially. And you can’t get peace without considering your mental health.
I didn’t know the first thing about mental health and how it affects me until late last year. The beginning of the year had been so rough and overwhelming. Everything felt so tough and dull especially after the Corona virus hit hard.
Learning about different ways in which people and my daily activities affects both my mental and physical health really worked wonders for me. I went from being sad to feeling at peace.
Within the last year, there were things I learnt to do away with even though they weren’t easy. I’m glad I did. I’m glad I embraced better habits too.
I had to write the things I didn’t want in my journal so I don’t forget. It would be selfish of me to keep the information to myself. Which is why I’m reminding those of you that know this things to not forget to avoid them. And for those of you that don’t, well you do not need this things in your life.
You don’t need this five things
1) Drama and Toxic friends:
The fastest way to impede your growth is to surround yourself with toxic people. The thing with toxic people is that they drain you of your energy.
When you are drained or when you feel negative because of your friends, your brain would continue to think negatively. In fact you might have a hard time focusing on important things like work or school.
Last year, I wrote an article, explaining toxic people and their traits. If you want to find out if you currently have to friends, make sure to read the post. The major way to know if your friends are toxic is to notice how they make you feel.
How do you feel when you are around them?
Do you feel more motivated or more broken.
Do you feel inspired to do your best or worthless?
Toxic friends constantly create drama in your life. Honestly, when you taste peace you start to develop hatred for drama. 2021 should be the year you deliberately avoid drama.
Choose peace over drama. Drama wastes your time, with peace you enjoy your time. Choose beautiful and inspiring friendships over toxic ones. You need peace. You need inspiration. You need happiness. 2020 was already so hard, make 2021 better.
2) Self blame and Self pity:
I was so guilty of this last year. I blamed myself for both things I did and didn’t do. I didn’t even know how much self blame was hurting me.
The truth is blame doesn’t solve anything. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. Most of the greatest people in the world made mistakes. Ask Robert kiyoshaki author of Rich dad poor Dad.
Robert writes on topics related to financial literacy and business. He also made costly mistakes but he understood that self blame is a waste of time. Instead he looked for solutions to mistakes and problems he created.
The thing with self blame is that you can easily get distracted with blaming yourself for everything wrong so much that you may not realize some things are beyond your control.
We cant control everything. Sometimes we would fail ourselves and others. Instead of blaming ourselves, we must focus on finding solutions.
Self pity is also a waste because if pity could solve anything then no one would be poor.
This year, you need to accept your mistakes and fix them. You need to accept the reality that we are all born unequally but we can change our lives. We have that power. But no amount of pity can do that for us. Only being strong willed can.
This year, you don’t need to blame yourself for things you cannot control.
This year you don’t need to pity yourself for things you don’t have.
This year,you need to make things happen.
3) Forced love / relationships
If you have to force it, then the relationship isn’t worth it. I get that most people like me are chat lazy. I’m very lazy when it comes to reply texts. I would rather have physical conversations but I still take all of my friendships and relationships seriously.
Some people don’t give two forks about anyone but themselves. Some people don’t care about you. They don’t love you. You would be disrespecting yourself by trying to force them to like you or love you.
I know there’s this pressure to be in a relationship. To not be single. But there’s nothing wrong with being single.
Yes we all need someone in our corner. Someone we can talk to anytime of the day and not feel like we are intruding or disturbing. But this doesn’t mean we should be so desperate in our search for this perfect person that we begin to treat ourselves like garbage.
If you have to beg someone to be in a relationship with you or even promise to reward them for that then it’s totally not worth it. Good relationships are formed when two people are ready to put down their egos and be vulnerable with each other. There is no money as reward( somehow a lot of people feel it’s a right)
If you feel like you can’t find someone to love you with no commas or buts then maybe you should love you. Not maybe, actually love yourself.
Sometimes we feel we are lonely but we are just searching for ourselves.
We tend to look for ourselves in other people when getting into relationships. If we can’t see ourselves in them, we try to change them and it eventually crashes. The plane truth is you owe yourself a relationship first.
This year, focus on loving yourself. Avoid forced relationships.
Give love to those showing you love.
Respect yourself enough to walk away when you have to force it.
If someone is not going to love you crazily as much as you love them, it’s a waste of time.
Relate with yourself.
Fear comes in so many ways. The most commonly peddled fear is the fear of the unknown. It is commonly peddled by religion.
It is fearing what happens after death so much that we forget to live. What makes us human is the fact that we can think in so many ways. We can do so many things. We can go to so many places. But with religion comes rules and more rules to restrict you from doing the things you really want to.
Weirdly, a lot of us yield to that fear. Another fear is the fear of what the society thinks. Or the fear of perception. “If I do this, what would people say about me?”
If there’s anything we don’t need this year, it is a leash on our our necks telling us how to think or what to think or when to think it. We don’t need to fear anyone or anybody.
Another fear I realized I had last year is the fear of my abilities. At some points I started to feel like I wasn’t good enough and so I didn’t do as much as I could.
Fear actually limited my creativity and productivity. This year, I do not fear anything.
5) Toxic habits
If there’s any habit I noticed most Nigerian women have, it is commenting on people’s size. When you see someone after a long time, it’s rude to talk about their size. It’s an habit that has built up in so many people over time.
When you meet people after a while, talk about how beautiful they look. Don’t make them feel bad about their weight. Don’t compare them to their siblings or friends, that’s toxic. If you won’t be mentioning something positive don’t bother commenting.
Another toxic habit is tolerating people who put you down. If there’s something I won’t do this year, it is that I won’t let anyone comment badly about my body or skin and get away with it. I am beautiful and that’s that. You have a problem with my weight, keep it to yourself.
This year, you need to learn to put people in their places when they try to mess with you. You are the full package and that’s that.
One bad habit I had last year was arguing. I used to argue a lot( I still do, a little). This year I’m particular about not arguing. It’s really stressful trying to explain your point to someone who is trying to explain their point to you.
It didn’t occur to me that it was a waste of time until I read a book that talked about how you can’t win anyone over peacefully by arguing with them. Which is why I decided to avoid arguments.if you don’t agree with me then good luck with your opinion.
This year, you don’t need any habit that would take away your peace.
2021 is going to be a really long year. No one knows if it would be as bad as 2020 or if it would be better. We can only do our best to make the best out of it.
2021 is the year in which we should all try our best to live deliberately and stay happy. We must also strive to avoid anything that makes us sad and confront anyone that puts or down or tries to break us.
Are there any bad habits you would want to work on?
Do you have toxic Friends you would want to cut off?
What is it that you fear?
What do you keep blaming yourself for?
Are you ready for a more peaceful year?
Let me know in the comment section below.
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